Privacy here i come! ugh but thats boring. but oh well.
on another note… my muscles ache. CRAZY work out today.
Im backt o blogging, because i have so much on my mind and so much to say and nowhere or no-one to address it to. So here i go again… but this time, maybe i should go private. Save myself the trouble of speaking my mind. But whats the point of unread words. hmmmmm dilemma numero 1 (and i’ve only just begun).
this will be one to think about. but for now… hello again blogging world!
Watch this space (or don’t because it may go private) 😛
When I leave your zip code for a new destination,
When I left undone all the things we planned to do
You may feel you have been left by association
But there is leaving and then there is leaving you.
When I leave your home and all that you belong to,
When I leave with eyes filled with tears and regret,
Remember, there’s doing wrong and there’s doing wrong to
You, which I’ll never do and I haven’t yet,
And when I have gone, remember that in weighing
Everything up, from love to dreams to rent,
You were all the reasons I thought of staying,
And none of the reasons why I went
And although I leave your sight and I leave your setting,
And our separation is but a matter of fact,
Though you represent all I’m leaving, don’t be forgetting,
I’m not leaving you, not ever, and to you i make his pact.
So after a few days away I thought I would return with an update on my thoughts, adventures and outlooks.
So after spending a wonderful weekend away in new York visiting my dear friend Gerardo a.k.a GerryBear Gbags (don’t judge him) and yes Gerardo as promised you get your 15 minutes of fame, for whoever actually reads this which is probably you and the family. So Mabrook. Hehe. Anywho New York new York, what can I say, words aren’t enough. It truly is a wonderful city, and even more so now that I did less of the tourist stuff nd more of the local stuff. Granted my first time in NY was with the family and it became overbearing and not fun, especially when you are being dragged all over the place, but this weekend was far from dull and overbearing, it was beautiful and fun and inspiring. I have realised that i truly am a big city girl and new York is my type of city, never a moment of boredom, whether it is just walking down the street and people watching or living it up, doing wonderful eclectic things, it is a city that caters for all. All ethnicities, all personalities and all moods. I understand big cities aren’t for everyone, but they are for me, as I spend my days missing London life, New York was a refreshing dose of big city life and certainly makes me want to live there. As the song by Tal Bachman so aptly says: live in new York city once, but leave before it makes you hard…
Never a boring moment, I was always in awe, always intrigued and challenged by the sights and sounds, hustle and bustle. It is nice to have the option to be surrounded by the organised chaos of a big city, and the beauty becomes being able to balance and control living among the chaos, if you want some down time you can have it, and if you want to be one with the crazy you can also have it. As I said, i know big cities aren’t for everyone but it still shocks me, when I get in the shuttle to the airport to hear 3 of the 5 passengers in there complain on how they couldn’t handle NY and it was too much for them, clearly I am crazy because NY to me is a little piece of heaven and I don’t think it can ever be too much.
So as I sit here on the plane, writing this, returning to Houston, a certain calm falls over me, I am not dreading my return and that’s probably because I can see the finish line and the end is practically at my doorstep. Even so, the thought of leaving is bitter sweet, i have learnt a lot, about myself, and about things around me. I love this country, there’s no doubt, and it is indeed the land of dreams and opportunity. The American dream is as the label suggests, and I can see why people kill themselves to come here, it is most certainly an awesome place, but like all countries it is not without it’s flaws. I have learnt first and foremost that I ended up in the wrong city, but I would not change my work experience for anything ( ok,maybe some things but in general I wouldn’t) and I have been more than lucky with the lab I ended up in. I have learnt that my pain and emotion is what drives my ambition and success (hahah if you would call it success) and that there is nothing in this world more important than family (this I already knew, but it was certainly reiterated). I have learnt that time does not dictate love and friendship, some things defy time and space. And as it all comes to an end, despite all my regrets and could have beens, I doubt I would change it for anything (ok again maybe some parts, but not the strength I have gained) And if anything, this has just given me another interesting chapter in my life and for my future autobiography. Hehe. Watch this space. NY best seller list. :p
On another note, having now flown: united, American airlines and jet blue, can I please say, how amazing it is to have WIFI 32,000 feet in the sky, and yes it sounds basic but it was my first experience and its AWESOME, so props to AA for that, also jet blue and their complementary Live TV, which was awesome, as for UNited, please get your shit together. Haha can I also say that having been plane hopping, I have sat next to a women in each of my flights and they have all been reading 50 shades of grey, which might I add,I am also enjoying, and as my colleague would say, it turns you 50 shades of red (but not from embarrassment). So clearly a lot of us women will now have even MORE unrealistic expectations of men, but at least for now I am happy to indulge in Mr. grey, not that I have any other offers on the table nor do I think I I’ll be getting any, any time soon. So for now I have 2.25 books to keep me going. :p
On that note I think it’s time I take a nap, back to work and reality tomorrow and I ought to get some much needed shlaff time.
Peace, love and happiness.
I was planning a
nice piece on stereotypes and my recent experience at a wild west saloon but I feel I should save that for another day and focus on some things that have been whirling around in my head. So I leave you with some food for thought..
The world works in mysterious ways. And some things never make sense. Why bad things happen to good people. Why some things happen at all. And why it takes something bad to happen to realise how much someone really means to you, how you really feel.
But some things you can’t change. As much as we want to. But you can love with all your heart, even if you do get hurt in the end, and you can show someone how you feel before something bad happens. You shouldn’t let it get to that. It may be too late. (that rich coming from me I know) But keep in mind…
Don’t mistake kindness for naivety (or stupidity)
Don’t mistake emotion for weakness
And don’t mistake silence for ignorance or apathy
Have faith in whoever or whatever you believe in. Even if that means just having faith in yourself.
The world sure works in mysterious ways and we are just pieces of the puzzle along for the ride.
I have always known that i am the type of person that needs to fall flat on their face (have a complete meltdown0 before i can get back up, wipe it off and continue with a new found clarity and that clarity has come to me today. I have also suspected that i have been feeling sorry for myself and making this entire situation worse, in stead of facing it headstrong and dealing with it. But i think the reason i hadn’t was because of the above and because i always thought i could just pack up and leave. NOT AN OPTION ANYMORE. Soooo finally i can see clearly now (the rain has gone.. :p LOL) and i have an action plan. I have been waiting around, waiting for something to happen, waiting for friends to be handed to me on a silver plate and had simply given up on Houston and the entire situation and just allowed myself to fall into this depression. NOT ANYMORE. I am smart enough to know that life is never handed to you on a plate, you ave push and fight and work for it and granted i have had clouded judgement, i dont need to make new best friends, i have plenty waiting for me back home who i love and cherish, they are practically family, i was naive to come here thinking things would work out as planned, i know that they never do. Hell i dont think ever in my life have things gone to plan, i dont know why it would start now. I also realised that the reason i have been so down, wasn’t because Houston has been a shit-hole it was because i felt i had wasted an opportunity. i am not the type of person who goes to a city and just ignores all it has to offer and all its culture and greatness, and i feel since i got here i havent had the means to be able to appreciate Houston to its fullest potential. and i think i am just disappointed in the situation and in myself. But i dont have the transport and otherwise things are very expensive. BUT you have to spend to gain sometimes and in this case i have now discovered a company that does tours and transportation. YES granted it is a little pricey, BUT it will give me a chance to not feel like i wasted this summer and this opportunity, and i will NOT spend my weekends alone at home doing nothing. I will have the chance to go to shopping at an outlet mall, go to the NASA space centre, go visit a Ranch (can’t get more texan than that) and get full tour of Houston. Ok so it won’t be as magical and perfect as i expected it to be. But i WILL make it happen. I will NOT sit around feeling sorry for myself anymore and i will no longer blame anyone or anything. Fine yes i wont be saving, when i probably should be for college etc. but things always seem to find a way of working themselves out, and if i can help myself to be happier here for this next month and actually make something of my summer, then why not?!I have done it before, i will do it again, and yes i tend to fall flat on my face (always) along the way, but eventually i get there, and i “get by with a little help from my friends” and family!
Revelations are beautiful, i feel refreshed with a new outlook on things!
Hasta la proxima
Peace love and happiness